The accidental landlord: tenants must pay a deposit if they want to prove they mean business

We are standing in the kitchen of the flat I rent out, me and this young guy who says he wants to take the room I have just shown him. Everything is going well until I ask him for a deposit, just to show that he is really serious about renting the room. But now I can see he is clearly reluctant to hand over cash.

“How do I know this gets me the room?” he asks. “How do I know you’ll take it?” I reply. I hand him a form, as yet unsigned by me, stating that he will get a full refund if for any reason I withdraw the offer. It also says that he risks losing some or all of the deposit if he changes his mind and I lose rent as a result. He continues to hesitate. He looks around him, as if for reassurance that the flat exists. He looks at me, as if trying to work out if I am the sort of person he can trust. I flash him my most reassuring smile. He looks even more nervous.

This is one of the difficulties of letting a property — or in this case, rooms — without a letting agent. Not surprisingly, not every tenant will hand money to a complete stranger, even if they are standing in that stranger’s kitchen. I don’t want to wrestle the cash out of this lad, but I cannot risk saving the room for him unless he pays a deposit. I have been let down by too many youngsters who change their minds at the last minute.

In an attempt to reassure him, I show him details of the tenancy deposit scheme I’ll use to protect his money and I even log into my account on my mobile, so he can see that my current tenants’ deposits are registered. He doesn’t seem convinced. “It’s just that I’ve never done this before, I don’t know what’s right, this doesn’t feel right,” he says.

We are in a chicken-and-egg sort of situation. Naturally, he doesn’t want to give me any money until he has the keys to the room in his hand, but unless he makes a financial commitment I am not prepared to hold the room for him for the next few weeks until the existing tenant moves out. Then I remember a government-produced How to Rent guide, which landlords are obliged to give to all new tenants. I offer to email him a copy. “It will tell you everything you need to know,” I say, in what I hope is a reassuring tone, but he still keeps his hand on his cash.

In an attempt to end the stand-off, I tell him that he can wait to pay the deposit until the day he moves in but I warn him that I won’t hold the room for him in the meantime. If someone else wants it and pays a deposit, it’s theirs. “So if I pay, I get the room, if I don’t pay, I lose it?” He hands over the money and I promise to send him his deposit protection certificate plus a copy of his tenancy agreement by the end of the day.

He doesn’t look happy, but he has got somewhere to live, and I have got a tenant. It is a difficult business — but it is the way it is.

• Victoria Whitlock lets four properties in south London. To contact Victoria with your ideas and views, tweet @vicwhitlock