Last night, I felt such despair that I was compelled to listen to the only thing which makes any sense of British politics right now — the Avenue Q song Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist. What was a satirical, silly, fun song now seems to be political ideology.
I am Labour. And I am Muslim. But this is not about tribal politics. This is about the moral vacuum at the top of politics which is having dangerous consequences. Leaders send powerful signals to the rest of us about what is permissible and, right now, every day feels like a day at the racists’.
I am truly heartbroken that my Jewish friends feel such anxiety, hurt and distress about the rise of anti-Semitism. When Luciana Berger left the Labour Party because of anti-Semitic bullying, I interviewed her on LBC and got a glimpse into the torrent of abuse she gets on a daily basis. And I got some too.
Even though I’m clearly not Jewish and am named after Prophet Mohammed’s wife (bit of a clue there, lads), I got a barrage of messages telling me I was an evil Israeli stooge, even though sadly I’ve never even been to Israel.
A lot of my Jewish friends tell me that they never even felt “that Jewish” until the anti-Jewish sentiment was on the rise — especially in a political party they thought was home.
And I know exactly how they feel. I’ve never been very religious. My mother would force me to Quran lessons on a Saturday morning before whisking me off to Scottish country dancing lessons. Not sure which was more subversive, to be honest.
I never felt “that Muslim” until Boris Johnson made those comments about letter boxes. I felt the sting that my Jewish friends felt when Jeremy Corbyn didn’t spot the significance of that mural. And I got abuse. Not from knuckle-dragging obvious racists (that’s what Twitter is for), but from a well-dressed, well-heeled, so-called “centrist” chap who ironically wanted to start a “moderate, decent” political party (thankfully, he failed).
He praised Johnson and said it was just a laugh, innit. When I pointed out that Muslim women had experienced harassment as a result, he told me to get a life and that “YOU Muslims don’t have a sense of humour”, which was news, as I’m a professional stand-up comedian.
It reminded me of when Jews were told they had no sense of irony. Muslims and Jews are being pitted against each other by our political leaders, who are unable to say sorry and are cynically weaponising their opponent’s racism as a fig leaf for their own.
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This only legitimises bigotry, instead of tackling it. There shouldn’t be a hierarchy of racism. It’s not the racist Olympics. If Muslim and Jewish leaders can come together, why can’t our politicians do the same? As my Jewish mate and I joked, we have a lot in common. We get the blame for everything, love food and are all terrified of our mothers.
Let Mary be a girly swot and enjoy her 100-hour working week
Mary Beard is at the top of her game. At 64, she’s a respected historian, academic, author and broadcaster, when women over 50 are still hardly allowed on screen.
I have worked with her and am struck by how well-prepared she always is. Well, you would have to be. You don’t create and maintain a high-profile portfolio career unless you work pretty damn hard.
Mary tweeted this week about the fact that she sometimes works more than 100 hours in a week. This doesn’t strike me as odd. Many people I know, at all stages of their careers, put in punishing shifts, particularly if they are juggling a number of gigs — myself included.
Yet the vitriol she got was off the scale. You would have thought she had just admitted to stabbing a puppy. People lined up to criticise her for having the temerity to work so hard.
I think some of it is gendered. Andrew Neil is famed for having different roles and a formidable capacity for work, yet you don’t see people telling him he’s letting the side down and that he should kick back. I also think we are still squeamish about women being ambitious, and the truth is that if you want to succeed as a woman — especially in male-dominated fields — you often have to work twice as hard.
That’s not right, but it’s often a reality. So, I admire Beard. And her girly-swot work ethic.
Ban Black Friday. Having spent the beginning of the year Marie Kondo-ing the f*** out of our lives, we are now going to fill them back up with tat or clothes we don’t need, or fit into, because LK Bennett has a 25 per cent off sale.
It’s mad how the brain salivates over a phony discount.
I have found myself on the brink of buying an elaborate hair curler (I can barely brush mine), a giant foam roller (not a hair accessory), and a leaf blower.
Hey, you never know when you might acquire a proper garden, right?
Make it stop.