There are two diametrically opposed ways of coping with anxiety and distress.
One route is into total escapism — P G Wodehouse and the paradise of Blandings Castle, say (Wodehouse himself continued working on the last, unfinished instalment, Sunset at Blandings, from his hospital bed).
The other is to have your troubles put into perspective by learning from those who have endured worse — Nadezhda Mandelstam’s memoirs Hope Against Hope and Hope Abandoned, maybe.
Born to Be Different, the documentary that has been following the lives of six children born with disabilities since 2003, would make for upsetting, emotional viewing at the best of times, let alone when many of us are feeling pretty fragile ourselves. Yet it’s heartening too, an inspiring testimony to the extraordinary courage of these children and the love their families have for them.
Be warned, though, you will cry. You may not find it easy to stop.
Several of the stories of these children, now in their late teens and making their first steps into adult independence, are almost entirely positive, nonetheless.
Zoe has arthrogryposis, a condition that severely restricts movement in her arms, legs and feet, enduring multiple operations in childhood to be able to walk and move her arms.
Now 18, she’s starting a law course at Anglia Ruskin University and determined to succeed there without the help of carers. She’s just delightful: ebullient, charming and forthright. “I don’t like meeting new people,” she says. Quite right too. Lord Emsworth felt exactly the same. “I don’t need to try to be somebody I’m not.” An insight beyond most teenagers.
Emily, 18, born with spina bifida, is thrilled to be qualifying as a nurse, despite having to deal with managing her incontinence and trouble with her feet. New Zealander Hamish, 19, who has achondroplasia (dwarfism), is in his second year of studying engineering at Canterbury University in Christchurch, as well as having competed as a swimmer in the 2016 Paralympics in Rio. He’s confident as well as fit.
Television shows in 2020
“I guess I’ve got a bit of chat, you know,” he says, contemplating his prospects with girls.
Others here are doing less well. William has tuberous sclerosis, causing him to have epilepsy as well as autism, and he has had multiple operations to remove brain tumours. Aged 19, he moves into independent accommodation, accompanied by two carers, enjoying visits to the cinema and the prospect of a new Doctor Who. As his parents explain, at least he’s happy, blissfully unaware that a tumour on a kidney is inoperable and he is on a palliative route.
Shelbie has the most profound disabilities, having been born with the chromosomal disorder trisomy 9. She had not been expected to make it to adulthood at all — but she has fought for life and her parents have fought too, to give her the best quality of life possible. Although now they know that her time may be coming, as they put it, they are so proud she has made it through school and that, even in end of life care, she can give them a smile.
It’s so moving to meet each of these different people and understand what they have faced in life. They too will doubtless be affected the changes we all now face — Hamish was looking forward to competing in the Tokyo Paralympics — but they have already come through so much more than most of us ever do. There’s strength to take from that.
Born To Be Different is on Channel 4 tonight at 9pm