Rob Rinder: A friend said I looked like Freddy Krueger, but singing on All Star Musicals was pure joy
After you’ve been on TV a bit, some fairly random offers start to roll in. Hi Rob, they’ll say, do you fancy doing a show where you run a nuclear submarine with 10 former Eurovision winners? What about one where you make ice sculptures of Felicity Kendal with the cast of Hollyoaks? Or vice-versa? Well, they always sound interesting to me. Fortunately, my incredible agent (equal parts Anna Wintour and Attila the Hun, with cheekbones that could stop traffic) will always intervene. She stops me innocently accepting Celebrities Go Bull-Fighting or Superstar Mud Wrestling or anything else that oozes down the telly pipe.
One invite, though, was never going to be denied: when ITV’s All Star Musicals came calling, I bellowed my acceptance in several beautiful octaves. Since my teenage days in the National Youth Theatre (where I once serenaded Chiwetel Ejiofor with a lute) there’s always been a glittery bit of my soul that belongs utterly to musical theatre.
So, as you may have seen last night (and if not, why not?) I got to sing my socks off as Lumiere from Beauty and The Beast. The music and costumes were jaw-dropping (though one friend said I looked like a camp Freddy Krueger) and, after months without restaurants, belting out Be Our Guest felt oddly moving. I’d also like my tombstone to record that I sang in front of Elaine Paige without dissolving into a nervous puddle. It was truly one of most joyous experiences of my life.
It seems Piers Morgan has said goodbye to Good Morning Britain. He will leave an incredible gap behind that big glass desk. You may not agree with his opinions (I often don’t), but he’s always been relentless in holding public figures to account. To my amazement, I’ve seen my own name floating about as a possible replacement. Just the idea that I could fill his seat next to the flawless Susanna is incredibly flattering. Coming around the same time as my performance as a singing candlestick, it’s also got me thinking about the way that we resist pigeonholing people on TV these days. You’ll rarely hear someone say that this person is too serious for fluffy entertainment, or that one is too silly for hard-hitting shows. Judge Rinder — I hope — has always got this balance right; we follow the law as closely as the Supreme Court, however small the case may seem. My experience in sequins is taken together with my time under a barrister’s wig. It’s tremendous — because it reflects just how gloriously muddled real life is.
That said, much as I’d love to be on GMB and have a crack at the great and the good (or, these days, the rather mediocre and terrible), I do wonder whether I could handle the early mornings. I only like to see 4am from the other side. It’s no surprise to me Piers seemed so angry at the end — he can’t have had a proper night’s sleep in years.
If I were on GMB, I’d want to get various ministers on to discuss the homelessness crisis. I’ve been working with Shelter since last year trying to make sure that we’re all doing everything we can to help the huge numbers of people at risk of ending up on the streets. More than six million are more worried than ever about becoming homeless, due to a terrible combination of slashed incomes, job losses and the end of the evictions ban in May. Whilst the fortunate amongst us prepare to get out of our locked-down homes, we can never forget those who just want to get, or keep, a roof over their heads.
